I know that parents want the best for their kids. That's only normal. I also know, from experience in our house, that we want our kid to be the best at everything he does, get the best grades, be popular, into everything, top of the world. But I have really been asking myself lately one very important question: Why? Why is it important to me, and to my wife, that our son be and do all of those things? Is it for him? Or is it for us? And what does that have to do with the long view?
I have started to ask myself, especially about things concerning our son, will this matter in a week? How about a month? A year? Five years? Ten years? Will the thing that is so dramatic and important today matter ten years down the road? I know that some things that happen today will affect things ten years down the road, but will I remember the little things that seemed so important in the moment?
Grades are a big thing right now, and I do think that grades are important, but down the road, who will care? I know the only times in my life that grades have been important have been when I am applying for another program at another college or university. Aside from more school, no one has really ever cared what my grades were. Grades have not mattered for employment, friendships, social events, or volunteer opportunities. In the long view, they are not nearly as important as they seem to be in the moment.
There are certainly other areas that could benefit from the long view. It is not easy to think this way when I want the best for my son in everything right now. But in the long run, what really matters? Character, service to others, inquisitiveness, compassion, a sense of humor: all these things matter much more in the long run than getting the best grades or being the top in everything. So I ask all of the parents out there to think about the long view with their kids. Before you push your kids to get straight A's, be the star player in three sports, captain every team the school offers, and stretch themselves so thin that they have no time to be kids, think about how much (or indeed, how little) those things will matter in the long run.