The easy answer, and perhaps the knee-jerk reaction for many, is to say of course it doesn’t. But take a second (or third) run at the question. Think about when families get together, especially if there are siblings. We all tend to fall into old roles that are as familiar (if not comfortable) as a worn in pair of shoes. The past lingers in those situations, clinging to everyone involved like a thick fog. The past is always present in those scenarios.
Let me move away from family ties for a moment. Do the decisions that we make stay with us? The big ones certainly do (who to marry, whether to move to a new place, taking that dream job), but how about the little decisions that ultimately affect us much more in the long run than the big decisions. That may sound contrary for some of you, but I believe that for the most part we get the big decisions right. It’s the little ones that can make our lives turn on a dime without us realizing it.
When I think back on little decisions that I have made over the years, I can’t help but see the fingerprints of my past all over those decisions. I try (unsuccessfully most of the time) to leave the past in the past, but I wonder how much of the past colors my perception of the present. How many of my little decisions are based on subtle, yet pernicious, memories of things that happened years ago? I’m not sure that I can ever really answer that question, or if I can answer it that I would like the answer.
I think I could make a strong argument that we are defined by our decisions in life. After all, those decisions always bring consequences, good or bad. And so I come back to the initial question posed in the title of this post: Does the past define us?