As I said, I hold grudges. I don’t like that about myself, but I haven’t figured out how to not do it. And for any smarty-pants people that want to say, “Just don’t do it,” you should know that it is not that easy. Anyhow, I got to thinking about forgiveness and forgiving. It might seem a reasonable step to say that one way to get rid of the chains if to gain forgiveness. I would disagree with that. I think the forgiveness is nice, but ultimately we hold our own chains and we hold the key to said chains. From a religious (Christian) point of view, we have already been forgiven by Jesus. There. That work is all done for us. So the chains should be gone. But I know in my case, they are decidedly not gone. That comes with and from forgiving.
When I hold a grudge, it is always (most of the time, anyway) for a good reason. I feel wronged in some form or fashion. I want the other person to make amends to me. But that doesn’t help me. If I had to guess, I would guess that most of the time the other person doesn’t even realize they have “wronged” me. The wronging lives in my head, not theirs. The other person may not ever feel in need of forgiveness. So I pack on the resentment and snuggle up with the new chains like they are a blanket and the weather is cold. If I forgive, whether or not the other person ever hears about it, then I can unlock the chain and let it drop. Besides, I am the one that holds the keys to my problems, not someone else.